He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
