Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
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