Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
