His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
