Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
