I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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