Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We are two peas in an std pod
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
