She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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