The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
only you would photoshop your dick
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
