I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
