this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
