You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i've created a new STD.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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