Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
