oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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