Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
