About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i dont even know how to be here
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize