A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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