Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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