hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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