You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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