Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
