This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
