Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
And then he peed in my hair
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