I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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