Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My day in three words: secret purse cake
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
