Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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