i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
