All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
