No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
