shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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