Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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