Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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