dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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