You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
