and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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