ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
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