we have pet lesbian snakes
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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