He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
