check it out our google latitudes are spooning
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i now understand why vodka
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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