I bet he comes in French.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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