All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
