I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
