he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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