I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
