I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
