I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
