This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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