Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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