I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
