Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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