You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
