I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
