Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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