We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
