Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
