...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
