walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
