The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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