I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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