This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
