So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
