i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
