the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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