she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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