I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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