She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
vagina is talking i cant
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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